I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
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