who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
It's official drugs can't kill me
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
Just pee around me
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
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