I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
