i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
