Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
