You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
