none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
