dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
Randomize
