I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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