no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
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