wat bout pragnant strippers??
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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