singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
