Umm I'm too high to move.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
