Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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