Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
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