i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
...so i touched it.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Randomize
