I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
The adults are the big ones right?
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
