I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
