Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
