I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Randomize
