hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
Randomize
