Pregnant stripper...not hot.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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