i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
