bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
