Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
