life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
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