Me too!
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
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