how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
