I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
