yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
he puts the penis in happiness.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
