Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Randomize
