Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Randomize
