my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
