He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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