I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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