I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
