I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
