did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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