Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
