I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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