I like to think it a success when the cops are called
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I went to the gas station and the lady goes I remember you. Broken sunglasses and puke on your car.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
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