Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
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