Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I wish they made helmets for livers.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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