I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
Randomize
