Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
