we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
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