This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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