No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
