I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
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