Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
I have already put on my inside pants.
Randomize
