meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
my shit smells like andre
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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