Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
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