If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
