She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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