I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
