How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
