Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
