New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
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